


Asylum

by Cassiopeia13



Category: Avengers Assemble (Cartoon), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: BAMF Loki (Marvel), Bottom Loki (Marvel), Depression, Intersex Loki (Marvel), M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Suicide, Mpreg, Pregnant Loki (Marvel), Top Thor (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-14 04:28:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16032989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassiopeia13/pseuds/Cassiopeia13
Summary: Thor and Loki’s love was forbidden, but their children were even more so. When Loki fell pregnant, Thor took his brother and fled, determined to protect the best thing that had ever happened to him. Midgard made the most sense, but with Loki close to dying after the strain of the pregnancy and birth, and the low levels in his magic due to their children feeding off of it, Thor’s worst nightmare was coming true: He might lose Loki.





	1. Chapter 1

“He’s getting worse.” 

Three words, seeming so innocent, but together they were Thor’s worst nightmare. He turned to look at his brother sleeping on the bed, body sweating through the sheets but shivering at the same time. A magical ailment that Thor could do nothing to stop, or even slow. He was not a healer, and they couldn’t afford to bring one; even if he could find a healer who would not immediately report back to their father their location, Thor feared it to be too late. Loki was dying. 

“Thor,” Hogun called gently. He was sitting on the bed beside the sick prince, pressing cool damp cloths to every bit of skin he could in hopes of bringing down the fever with little success. “You need to get him to stop.”

Thor sighed and crossed the room to the sleeping bundles nestled comfortably in the small crib placed in the corner of the room. His children; a boy and a girl and so incredibly beautiful Thor’s chest hurt when he looked at them. They both had dark hair, similar to Loki’s but his daughter’s skin colours was his own; his son’s skin was a dusty blue, inherited from Loki’s Jotunn side, and both had deep violet eyes and white marks and Thor’s nose. They were his everything, but they were also forbidden, the product of two brothers of the crown whose love should never have been. If Odin became aware of their existence they would be taken away at best and killed at worst. To protect his family Thor would do anything, and apparently so would Loki, who was using his magic not only to sustain their children but to keep the four of them hidden from any who sought them out, especially Heimdall. 

While hiding from Heimdall wasn’t a hardship for someone with Loki’s magical abilities, the pregnancy hadn’t been easy, and neither had the birth. As soon as the two were born, Loki slipped into unconsciousness and stayed that way for three days. It was fortunate that Thor’s friends were so loyal to him, risking treason and a possible beheading to help him. Sighing again, Thor crossed the room and took Hogun’s place by Loki’s side, dipping the cloth into cool water and pressing it to his brother’s chest and forehead. “Loki,” Thor whispered bending to press a kiss to his brother’s temple, “please, Brother, you have to stop. I know you’re trying to protect us, but you’re killing yourself in the process.” There was no reply, not that Thor expected there to be one. 

Looking at Hogun, Thor shrugged, looking utterly helpless and feeling even more so in a way he couldn’t ever remember feeling before. He was the crown prince to the greatest nation in the universe, he had power at his fingertips, both physical and political, and yet when it came to protecting his family he could do nothing. “I can’t raise them alone,” he whispered, “I wouldn’t even know where to begin. Loki has to be here.”

Before Hogun could reply the door opened for Sif and Fandral. They shook the snow off their clothes as best they could before taking off their outer layers in the foyer and hanging them by the door. The house was warm, the fire keeping it so, even as the snowstorm raged outside their small borrowed home. Thor had never realized how amazing his friends truly were until he was placed in a situation where he had to choose his brother over the throne, and when he’d chosen Loki, they stayed by him. 

Volstagg had a house in one of the mountain ranges on Vanaheim, it had been in his family for years but rarely used for more than a getaway place for hunting. For six months Thor and Loki had hidden inside it, their only contacts with the outside world and what was happening in Asgard was the small bits of news from Thor’s friends. Unfortunately using it forever wasn’t an option and Thor knew he would need to take his family someplace safer; Midgard was the current choice. He could go to Stark, ask him to speak to on Thor’s behalf about getting him and Loki political asylum. And if not them, then at least their children, Freyja and Freyr were most important and as long as they were safe, Thor cared not what happened to him. 

“How is he?” Sif asked, pulling Thor from his thoughts. The Thunderer looked at his pale brother and sighed for the 100th time that day, shaking his head. “You need to get him to stop before he kills himself. The All-Father is trying to act like he’s not looking for you, as if you and Loki being gone is something he agreed to, but I overheard him speaking with Heimdall.” She walked over to the cribs and smiled at the babies still sleeping inside, it was hard not to smile at something so beautiful and perfect and apparently, Sif agreed. She and Loki had never gotten along, in all their years, but she was one of his biggest supporters when he’d fallen pregnant. She also seemed to understand Loki’s mental state in a way that Thor didn’t.

Loki had severe depression, but beyond Thor’s understanding of it meaning “sad” he didn’t understand. It was Sif who’d spoken to him about the disease at length while Loki lay trapped in the dungeon under Asgard’s palace. The first time they talked Loki was in his cell, and Mother had been trying for weeks to get Thor to visit him. When he’d finally given in, he and Loki nearly brought the entire prison down around them in the resulting fight. The physical fight had been bad, but the verbal fight had almost been worse and at the end, the two had collapsed together in a pile of injured limbs and stayed that way for nearly two days. 

When Thor told Sif about it she went silent, then looked almost pained before speaking, “maybe what happened, all of it, Midgard, even here, wasn’t entirely Loki’s fault.” Those words hadn’t been anything Thor was thinking would come out of her mouth and he stared at her for a full minute before she continued. “Severe depression is bad, very bad. It makes you feel nothing, not happiness, not joy, not love, not sadness, not anger. It’s the complete lack of emotion. I know you two fought on the Bifrost before he destroyed it, but you said he was acting wild, then you said the same about Midgard. It just sounds like he’s lashing out to try to feel something, anything, and physical injury is pretty common.” When Thor still looked at her in confusion she shrugged, “my sister had severe depression and would burn herself in an attempt to feel any emotion. The pain was better than nothing. It just...” She paused and shrugged again, “Look, Loki and I have never seen eye to eye, we’ve never gotten along the way he and the others have, but even if I don’t like him, I can still understand his reasons. Or lack of reasons as I’m thinking the case is here. Maybe being locked up isn't’ the answer because maybe it’s more than just ‘Loki did bad things’. That’s all I’m saying.”

It took another month and a half of Thor thinking it over and replaying nearly every conversation, every instance of mischief, and every punch they ever landed on one another before Thor went to speak to Loki again. Their fight hadn’t ended in blows the second time, but there was a fair amount of yelling and accusations and then the truth about what happened after the Bifrost came to light and Thor knew he could no longer stand to have Loki locked up. 

Convincing Odin hadn’t been easy, but between Thor and Frigga, he came around three months later and Loki was released. That night, Thor pressed into Loki’s body for the first time in over a century and vowed he would never give it up again. Loki had only pulled him closer, told him to shut up and thrust harder. The coupling had been one of the best Thor ever had in his life, and every coupling thereafter with Loki only got better. 

And then Loki fell pregnant.

It shouldn’t have been possible. While Loki was intersexed, a trait from his Jotunn heritage, he also had enough magic to keep himself from becoming so, but after five months the pregnancy could no longer be ignored. Loki was concealing himself with his magic, but their children were also feeding on it and he began to look even paler than usual. Several nobles commented on Loki’s appearance and when Frigga voiced concern, Thor took Loki and fled. 

Volstagg’s cabin was a great option, it was remote, on a planet in the Nine Realms, and only accessable to those who knew how to look for it. As the babies grew, Loki’s health declined and as soon as the children were born, he passed out taking Thor’s heart with him. Looking at Loki was physically painful, and it would be nearly impossible to get his family to Midgard without the aid of a ship, the Bifrost or Loki’s magic and if what Sif said was true, that Odin had Heimdall watching for them, it wouldn’t be long before they were found. “I need to get him out of here, and away from all of you,” Thor told them in answer to Sif’s earlier question. “If Heimdall finds us, he’ll find you with us, and you’ll be tried for treason. I cannot allow that. What I and my brother have done is completely on us and no others should suffer for it.”

The friends frowned and looked at Thor as if he’d lost his head. It was Fandral who spoke, “We’re your friends, and if we’re being technical, we’re Loki’s friends too. We do this for you because it’s right.” The others nodded at the same time the babies woke and gave a cry as if they were agreeing with the others and not just wake because they were hungry. 

Immediately Thor was on his feet walking over to the crib. He picked up Freyr nodding his thanks to Sif when she picked up Freyja. The two quieted as soon as they were held, but Thor knew it was only a matter of time before they would need food, so set about heating up a bottle for the two. “There are doorways in each of the Nine Realms to other parts of the Nine Realms, the problem is finding them. Loki was able to bring the Jotunn into Asgard via a doorway in the mountains though I know not where. There are others though and one leads to Midgard, the problem is finding it without a magic user.”

“I can do it,” Loki whispered, voice hoarse. Had you asked anyone, they would have sworn Thor teleported to his brother’s side he was there so fast. “I’m okay, Thor, stop fussing,” Loki scolded then smiled at his little boy. Gently, he took the child for the first time and held him close, pressing a small kiss to his son’s forehead while breathing in his baby fresh scent. “He’s so small,” the trickster marvelled, “and blue. But... beautiful. He’s so beautiful, Thor.” Loki looked up with shining eyes clear and bright with a love that Thor hadn’t seen in far too long. It was impossible not to lean in and kiss him, regardless of who was in the room watching. 

“We did this, Loki,” Thor whispered, resting his forehead against his brother’s. “We did this amazing thing together. The best thing we’ve ever done.” Loki smiled and nodded, whispering his agreement before kissing his son again. “Sif, bring Freyja over, Loki should hold her too.” 

Gently, Sif placed the girl beside her brother in Loki’s arms making everyone in the room smile at the domestic scene. Though Loki looked pale and exhausted with dark smudges around his eyes, and his skin clammy from the sweat, he looked happy, truly and completely happy. The twins curled into one another where they lay on Loki’s bare chest who was propped up on pillows against the headboard. He would nuzzle them, then breathe in their scents before giving each a kiss. “They have Jotunn markings, and Freyr’s blue. I thought I would hate it. I was so worried they would look Jotunn and that I would hate it, hate them for bringing the reminder that I’m not of Asgardian,” Loki whispered not looking at anyone as he spoke. Thor held his breath. “But I don’t. I … they’re so perfect. Beautiful and perfect. I love their little lines, and Freyr’s blue skin suits him.” He looked up at Thor and scowled at him, “they have your nose and facial structure you oaf, I hope you’re pleased.”

Thor grinned, his chest puffing out just slightly in pride. “Very pleased. And yes, they are beautiful.” He couldn’t stop smiling and Loki seemed to be having trouble as well. 

The scene of domestic bliss was short lived when Volstagg burst through the door. “They’re getting close. Odin has sent guards to Vanaheim to find you, and they are scouting the mountains. It’s only a matter of time, Thor. You two must leave.” 

It was too soon. The twins hadn’t eaten and Loki had only just woken up, and yet now they had to run. If need be, Thor would fight every one of his father’s soldiers in order to keep his family safe, but he didn’t want to, they were only doing their jobs. Getting out of Vanaheim was the best option if it was even possible. “Loki,” Thor whispered, “Brother, I know you’re not doing well, but we must leave. Can you stand?”

Handing the children to Fandral and Sif, Loki tried to stand, managing to get his feet over the side of the bed, but as soon as he stood, he fell back to the bed, panting and sweating. He tried three times before Volstagg and Hogun helped him up while Thor fetched a tunic and their already packed back. They had books, journals, a few photos and some clothes with them, but everything else had been left on Asgard. “Alright Loki, where do we go?” Thor asked, while Sif tied the baby sling around Thor’s body and gently settled both twins inside it, allowing Thor’s arms to be free so he could take Loki’s weight from his friends. “We’re going to Midgard, but you’re going to have to take us there.” 

Holding two babies, who were awake and demanding attention, a packed back and his brother wasn’t easy, but Thor had fought countless enemies, had faced horrors most could not imagine, he would not fall under the weight of his family. Beside him, Loki grunted as he tried to take back his weight but mostly leaned on Thor. “There’s a concentration of magic just a bit up the mountain, if we can get to it, I can use it to get us to Midgard.” He looked around frowning, then looked back at Thor, “though I might not be awake when we get there. My energies are already low, Thor, but I’ll get us there. Just promise me you’ll keep them safe, no matter what. They’re top priority. Please promise me.” 

He looked panicked as if he believed Thor would sacrifice his children for anyone. “I promise, Brother. Our children are safe and will continue to be.”

In front of them, Sif and the Warrior’s three nodded their agreement. “I promise you, Loki,” Sif spoke for them, “we will give our lives for them. You have our word on that. Our loyalty, our service is for these two at the expense of anything else, that will not change. On this, I swear.” It was an old oath a treasonous oath that could have gotten them all killed if someone else heard it, but inside the tiny cabin, the four warriors swore their fealty not to Odin, not to Asgard, but to the future queen and king not yet a week old. The Warrior’s three whispered, “on this, I swear,” after Sif’s declaration. 

Loki looked at the four of them, eyes wide. “I will keep you safe as long as I can. I know we’ve not always seen eye to eye or been the best of friends, but you’ve protected my children and that is a debt I can never repay. If you need anything in my power to give, please, ask and it’s yours.” Thor looked at his brother, more surprised to realize Loki meant the words than he was that his brother had spoken them. Loki was clever in tongue and charming, he always knew the right thing to say but rarely believed in what he was saying; this time was different, Loki would aid them were they to need it. 

“Go, my friends, be safe,” Thor urged before taking Loki and his children up the mountain. 

The darkness of night and the snow falling from the sky to add to the accumulation on the ground made the tre k difficult but Thor was determined to keep his family safe. It seemed to take forever until Loki called out, “here,” over the whipping sounds of the wind and snow. Thor stopped and looked around, Freyja started crying, which caused Freyr to start crying, and in the distance, Thor could hear a horn bellow signalling the guards of Asgard found their trail. “Loki!” Thor urged trying to calm his children. 

“I’m working as fast as I ca~an,” Loki insisted in a sing-song voice that Thor had never heard from him before. Heard from other people, usually when someone was trying to sass, but he’d never heard it from Loki. “Ah! Got it. This is going to be bumpy.” 

There was no time to ask what was going to be bumpy before Thor felt a jolt and instinctively curled around the babies strapped to his chest. Loki clutched at his arm as they rode the portal through to the other side and appeared in a bright sunlight yard, both falling onto the lush green grass before nearly tumbling into a nearby pond. Thor grabbed Loki’s ankle right before his brother plunged head first into the water at the same time he grabbed hold of a signpost to keep himself level. The children on his chest had settled through the ride but quickly started screaming again.

“Shhh,” Thor whispered kissing them both and rubbing their backs. “It’s okay, my hearts, it’s okay. We’re safe… we are safe, right?” He didn’t know exactly where they were and hadn’t taken a chance to look around before trying to calm his two children. Loki lay sprawled on his back, staring at the sunny sky panting, and looking even worse than he was before. “Loki? Please don’t pass out, Brother.”

“Trying not to,” Loki moaned. He rolled over and threw up, causing several people in the area to yelp and move away. There wasn’t much in his stomach, mostly liquid, but Loki didn’t seem to be able to stop heaving. Thor reached out to rub his back, concern flooding his system. It was rare for Asgardians to get sick and he couldn’t ever remember a time Loki had been sick in their childhood. “It’s the magical drain,” he explained flopping back to the grass several metres from the sick. 

Finally taking the time to look around, Thor realized they were in Central Park which was very convenient. Stark wasn’t too far, and with Mjolnir, they could arrive on the Avengers’ helipad in short time. Flying with Loki was a troubling idea since he couldn’t stop retching, but it couldn’t be helped. Taking his brother’s waist, Thor stood pulling Loki up with him, then squatted and moved around until he could get his brother draped over his back. Holding Loki’s wrists around his neck with one hand, while he used Mjolnir to fly was tricky but after a few tries, Thor lifted them off the ground landing moments later by the sliding balcony doors. 

Alarms went off, lights blinked and a laser system that looked dangerous in the vicinity of his children, pointed directly at them. Taking out the lasers was easy, but unless Thor wanted to smash through the glass, he couldn’t get to the lights or the alarm. Seconds later a woman ran out holding a weapon then immediately lowered it. “Thor?”

It took a moment a Thor to place her, not having officially met, but he knew of Stark’s mate. “Ms Potts?” Loki groaned his legs giving out and he would have fallen if it wasn’t for Thor holding him up. “May we come in? Please, my brother is very ill. I promise he is no threat to you.” 

It would have been more convincing had Loki not pushed away from Thor at that moment and doubled over to vomit again right on the helipad. Thor wrinkled his nose but bent to make sure Loki wasn’t going to pass out in a puddle of his own sick; his eyes were already blinking rapidly and seemed to glaze over as he swayed where he sat. The children were still wailing but Thor could do nothing about it while worried about everything else. He let them scream as he tried to pull Loki to his feet but his brother pushed him away and laid back, an arm over his eyes. “They need food,” Loki mumbled without moving. 

“I am afraid I don’t have the equipment for that, Brother,” Thor told him. “Ms Potts, please, I must get my children inside and Loki…” he paused looking down at his brother and sighed, “Loki can stay where he is, it might be for the best.”

“I’m not sure Loki being on Earth is good for anyone,” Stark answered, landing on the helipad in his iron man suit. The armour peeled away automatically as the man stepped away from it, but one gauntlet stayed on, palm pointed towards the trickster who hadn’t even twitched since laying down. Stark must have sensed Loki was no threat and lowered his arm, but didn’t let go of the tech. “What’s wrong with him? When did you get children? What the hell is going on?”

Potts, ignoring everything around her knelt by Loki’s head after placing a towel over the vomit and gently lifted until he was resting in her arms. “Here, sip, it’ll settle your stomach.” She held a glass to his lips and tilted so he could take a few sips which he managed to do before coughing and slumping against her. “He’s burning up. I mean, I don’t know what an Asgardian’s body temperature is supposed to be, but I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to be this high.” Looking back down, she moved the glass to Loki’s lips again, letting him sip at the cool liquid inside and after a few minutes she managed to get him to sit up completely though his head was on her shoulder and the trembling started in again. “Do you think you can stand? We should get you to the couch. I had Jarvis order diapers and formula for the babies, it should be here within the hour. Come on, Loki, you can’t stay out here, the sun is going to bake you.” 

It wasn’t terribly warm in New York in April, but without clouds to diffuse the light, the sun made everything on the ground warmer, and that included the tower. Loki, being a frost giant, and sick was even more susceptible to the heat and Thor was instantly grateful for Ms Potts; though vaguely he wondered what such an amazing woman was doing with Stark. “Thank you. The pregnancy was hard on him, and the birth even more so-”

“Wait,” Stark interrupted as he followed the group inside and watched as his mate placed Loki gently on the couch. She ran to the wet bar and grabbed a towel, wetting it before returning to him and pressing it to his forehead then neck and leaving it there in hopes of cooling him down. Stark frowned. “Are you saying Loki gave birth? Loki your very male brother? That Loki?”

The safety of the Tower allowed Thor to unwrap his fussing children and gently place them on the rug in front of the large screen television sets. They were too little to do anything more than kick their feet as he played with them on the floor, smiling as they giggled. He noticed the two humans staring at them and cleared his throat. “This is Freyja and Freyr, our twins and Loki gave birth to them, yes. He is both male and female a trait of the Jotunnar, frost giants from Jotunheim which is where Loki was originally from. Freyr is the same, and also has Loki’s colouring, though not as dark.” Though Freyr looked more Jotunn than Aesir, Thor thought his heart might burst with the amount of love he felt for his children, both equally as wonderful and beautiful. “But Loki is also very skilled in magic, and with being imprisoned and having his magic sealed away, and then the birth where the children have been feeding off his magic, he is not well.” The Thunderer looked at his brother, his heart laying motionless and pale on the couch, and though his chest rose and fell, his breathing was laboured as it had been for months. 

Thor’s face pinched and he looked away, back to his children which never failed to bring a smile to his face, something he needed a lot with Loki so ill and near death. “There were times I feared I would lose him, and with him, my children as well.” He bent to kiss their little noses, smiling when two tiny hands grasped at his face. He kissed the hands then made munching noises delighting in how the babies giggled and kicked their feet in response. Looking back at Stark and Potts, Stark who looked wide-eyed and almost terrified, and Potts with a soft smile on her face, he sighed, “we’ve much to discuss; Loki’s involvement in the battle on New York being one of the things. There is much even I did not know until recently, but that will make a difference in how you see him. There is also a threat we should talk about, but first I must ask, will you grant us asylum?”

Stark and Potts shared a look, both with slightly wide eyes as they looked between Thor, Loki and the two children. No doubt they were trying to figure out what was happening, trying to figure out why Thor had forgiven his brother or even why they had a sexual relationship. It wasn’t common among humans, though if Thor were honest it wasn’t common among Aesir either. He and Loki had always been close and it always seemed like a natural progression for them, even through betrayal and fights they’d always gravitated back towards one another, but to outsiders it was weird, and Thor understood that.

He was patient as he waited for the two to think it over. Stark stepped forward and looked at the sorcerer laying on the couch, pale and shivering, but already sweating through his clothes again. The iron man nodded, looking up at Thor. “I’ll keep your family safe, Thor, and as long as you need a place to stay, you have it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Thor have settled into Avengers Tower, but Loki's still very weak. He has a moment of strength and joins the others in the living room.

A week after arriving at Avengers’ Tower Loki was still too sick to get out of bed, but he was waking up more than he’d been back on Vanaheim which was both good and bad in his opinion. It was good he was awake, so he could spend time gazing at his beautiful children, but bad because when he was awake, everything hurt. Stark’s mate Pepper had taken it upon herself to play nurse and Loki couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed at her; she was so genuine in her worry of him that Loki hadn’t the heart to turn her away, she was surprisingly knowledgeable and helpful. Ironically it was Thursday when Loki felt well enough to get out of bed and made his way into the main living area where the rest of the Avengers team were gathered. Thor was on the couch, next to Hawkeye but there was enough room for Loki to settle between them and curl against his brother, laying his head on Thor’s massive shoulder. On the floor, Romanov and Wilson were playing with the twins; hearing their laughter brought a smile to Loki's face. 

“How do you feel?” It was Hulk who asked, and though Loki was still a little wary of him, especially around the babies, he had promised not to smash, and Thor was so close that Loki felt relatively safe. 

It was a good question though. How did he feel? Sore everywhere, but his crotch was healing and felt worlds better than it had in the last two weeks and the skin around his midsection was finally moving back into place. He was still tired, but not nearly as exhausted as he’d been, and the room was no longer spinning which was a huge bonus. He could also feel his seiðr, which he hadn’t been able to do in the last month, even when he’d made the jump to Midgard he couldn’t feel it. But there were tendrils of power moving through his body that was no longer being fed on by his twins. Looking up at the Hulk, Loki nodded, “I feel mildly better. Not 100% but better.”

The twins let out a loud squeal from the floor as if they were pleased that their father was healing. Loki smiled and glanced over at them. “This is going to be their home, growing up on Mid- on Earth.” 

He frowned, thinking about that. His children were immortal in relation to humans; they would be stuck on a planet where their friends and those they called family would die in the blink of an eye over and over. The cruelty of it left Loki with a tightening in his chest he wasn’t used to. On the other hand, Thor’s friends had taken them in, given them sanctuary and seemed not to care that Freyr was blue, though if he were to remain on Earth, Loki would conceal his colouring outside the Tower. But he would never lie to his children; he would make sure they knew who they were, where they came from, and what the situation of the family was. Loki wanted to make sure his children grew up loved and knew they were loved. “They’re never going to know Asgard.”

Thor pulled Loki closer, if that was possible and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “They will know Asgard through our stories. They will grow up on Earth, exploring every country, learning all the languages and knowing love and compassion.” Thor was such an optimist, he believed that their children could have a good life on Midgard, but Loki was already homesick. Mostly he missed his mother. “We’re going to be good parents, Loki,” Thor promised, “we’re going to raise them with love and understanding.” He tipped Loki’s chin up, looking his brother in the eye, “you’re going to be a great father,” he whispered before bending to press his lips to Loki’s in a kiss that Loki was all too happy to return, uncaring who was in the room.

Across the room, a throat cleared and the two brothers broke apart to look over at Rogers who was frowning on the other side of the room. “So… okay. I get you’re adopted, but you’re still brothers, right? Is uh… this kind of relationship normal on Asgard?” The others in the room turned to look at the two on the couch, though Freyja and Freyr, sensing they were no longer the centre of attention, let out a loud wail each and all eyes turned back to them.

Romanov smiled, and Loki wondered if it was the first time the woman had ever done so in her life. She bent and pressed kisses to their foreheads then tickled their little bellies with her fingertips. “Are you upset we weren’t paying attention to you?” Her voice was low, calm, as she spoke to them and didn’t use the high pitched “baby voice” that Loki hated so much. He instantly liked her. “Not to worry, we haven’t forgotten about you. You’re quite the subject around here, just showing up a week ago strapped to your dad’s chest with your other dad half dead. Very exciting.” 

Loki couldn’t help his snort of laughter. Exciting indeed. “I wasn’t- yes alright, I probably was, but I’m doing much better now. I can even feel my seiðr returning.” To prove the point two bottles appeared in front of the Avenger giving her a start, but she recovered quickly and immediately gave them to the babies who started suckling happily. At Thor’s growl of his name, Loki waved his hand and snuggled in a little more, arm going around his brother’s waist at the same time Thor’s hand slid into his hair, petting; Loki could have purred at how comfortable he was. 

“It isn’t common,” Loki finally answered Rogers’ question. “We never had a period of time where royals inbred as they did here on Earth.” He held up his hands, turning so his back was to Thor’s chest and smiling when immediately his brother’s arms slid around him to pull him back farther. “I don’t mean that as an insult, but historically there were many empires and monarchies where kings and queens would marry their siblings, their children, their cousins, etcetera because they thought keeping a royal bloodline was important, but on Asgard, we never did that.” He tilted his head to look up at Thor who was watching him. “Thor and I have always been close,” he whispered.

The scene was disgustingly domestic as Loki looked around the room taking in the floor to ceiling windows that looked out over the city. As far as locations went, Loki had to admit the view was beautiful and he could picture his children being quite happy to grow up in the Tower. Thor pressed another kiss to Loki’s temple and held him tightly while Romanov fed the twins, then burped them expertly. “You’re good with them,” Loki commented as he watched first Freya then Freyr release hearty burps that could rival Thor’s; his brother, crass as ever, laughed in response. “They are definitely your children, Brother.” 

Thor laughed again and nodded. He looked over at his friends and shrugged at them, looking content and at ease in the tower, as if he truly belonged. “Loki and I were always together as children, and when we became youths, we experienced our first times together. While we weren’t exclusive, there was always something that pulled me towards him, and after the events in New York, I feared we would never be close again. I’m pleased to say I was wrong.” 

At the mention of New York Loki stiffened, but the laughter of his children and Thor’s strong embrace made him relax; he also realised that no one was trying to kill him which helped. The others looked at one another as if they were having some private conversation Loki couldn’t understand before Stark spoke, “Right so, speaking of New York, you seem not as crazy.” 

‘Not as crazy’ was as good a way to phrase it as any, though perhaps a little simplistic. Somedays Loki truly felt there was nothing that could make him happy, where his body and his mind were numb, and he couldn’t bother to get out of bed. Other days, he would watch Thor walk around their cabin, or even before that when Thor would visit him in prison, and they would talk, that Loki felt, if not happy, then at least content. Then there were the times when he felt he was going out of his mind and lashed out at anything that was in the area, usually Thor, or a guard. He’d destroyed his cell more than once with his magic going haywire before he collapsed in complete exhaustion and slept for two days. 

There had been an instance, during Loki’s year in prison, when Loki slept for an entire week, only to wake up to Thor’s frantic voice calling his name and shaking him. That incident had ultimately lead to his release, but he could still vividly remember wanting to go back to sleep and not caring at all that it had been a week. Thor had picked him up and carried him upstairs to Thor’s private bathing chamber and settled into the warm scented water with him, cleaning Loki’s hair and holding him close. Sometimes Loki wondered if that was the day he became pregnant. 

Looking at Stark, Loki shrugged. “It varies from moment to moment,” he answered, “but having the children and Thor helps.” He pulled away from his brother and settled beside Romanov on the floor, pulling Freya into his arms and holding her close. He pressed kisses to his daughter’s forehead and rubbed her little back. The baby kicked her feet against him and made noises as she snuggled in and Loki’s heart nearly stopped in his chest at the flood of love he felt for the tiny creature. “You’re going to have a good life, daughter,” he whispered to her, lips against her head, “I promise.” 

Holding both babies at the same time was difficult but not impossible; they were both so tiny that the two could easily fit against Loki’s chest. One arm was around them both, a hand to the backs of their heads to keep them safe. He spoke to them in a language that only Thor would understand and that he was determined to teach his children. They would grow up knowing everything possible, even sciences and maths beyond human understanding. The planet would be their playground. “Sometime this week perhaps we will take you two outside. There’s a vast park in this city that I believe you would enjoy, and the sun will be good for you.” 

“I gotta say,” Rogers spoke, “seeing you with kids, I mean, so gentle is not what I would have expected.” He was sitting in a chair across from Loki, watching, but didn’t look accusatory. “So, while I don’t completely trust you, Thor assures me that the attack on New York wasn’t entirely your fault, like with Hawkeye and I don’t want to blame you for something out of your control. So welcome home, Loki.”

In one thousand years Loki couldn’t ever remember hearing the words ‘welcome home’ or feel as if he belonged somewhere. He didn’t truly feel he belonged at the Tower, but the words did make a warmth spread out from his chest, and he nodded his thanks. “I promise you, Captain Rogers, I am not about to try and take over the world. Too much paperwork, honestly. I want my children to grow up free of the burdens of statesmanship.” He handed Freyr back to Romanov and Freya up to Rogers who happily took her and cooed, while tickling her belly. She kicked her feet and laughed, squealing with delight, the sound echoing around the room before her brother’s voice joined in. 

For a moment Loki closed his eyes and listened, then stood and walked over to Thor, gently taking his hand and pulling him from the couch. “I trust your friends are capable of watching our offspring for the next hour or so?” He turned, pulling Thor behind him as he headed back to their bedroom. 

“I suspect so,” Thor answered, voice confused. 

Behind them Loki heard a cough then Stark’s muttered, “right, as if there’s any doubt as to what they’re about to do,” before the door closed cutting off the sounds from the living room. Loki turned and pulled his brother in close, kissing him with passion but keeping the movements slow and sensual as he backed up towards the bed. Thor followed easily, his hands sliding over Loki’s body as they moved.

The brothers crawled into bed together, still kissing and Loki was amazed to find how much he wanted Thor. He wanted his mouth and his hands and his body thrusting into him until they collapsed from exhaustion. He wanted to feel the euphoria from being with Thor again after not having had it in so many months. 

“Brother?” Thor whispered as he pushed Loki’s shirt up to expose his stomach before bending to lick. “You were far away for a moment, where did you go?” Nirvana could be found in Thor’s mouth, and Loki took a moment to enjoy the sensations of having Thor kissing his body. He traced Loki’s abdomen, following the muscle lines and sucking bruises to each place that made Loki gasp. They were both fully clothed, but neither seemed in a hurry to change that. Instead, Thor moved things out of the way to get at what he wanted and when Loki’s magic pulsed to remove their clothing his brother caught his wrists, and whispered, “don’t,” before going back to learning Loki's body with his tongue. “I want to peel the clothing from your body with my hands and teeth.” 

“It’s been a long time since we’ve done this,” Loki whispered not answering his brother’s question. He lifted his arms over his head when Thor pulled his shirt off, then settled back down, pulling his brother into him for some more kisses. 

Hands and mouths moved over each other as they tumbled and rolled on the bed, stripping articles of clothing as they went. Once they were both wholly bare and Loki sat astride Thor’s hips, they paused, taking a moment to enjoy the sensation of skin on skin. Loki ran his hands over Thor’s perfect chest, delighting in the way the muscles jumped under his fingers while Thor’s hands found Loki’s hips and gripped. Thor always loved Loki’s hips, and no matter the position they were in, he would always have a hand either on his brother’s hip or ass, gripping tight and possessive. 

A few sensual movements that had their cocks rubbing together made them wet and ready. Loki slowly lowered himself down onto Thor’s cock, taking him in as deeply as he could and sighing at how good it felt, how right. He was mildly surprised that it didn’t hurt at all, his body having healed entirely from the birth of their children; though there was a small pooch at his stomach. Thor’s hands slid over him, going back to his stomach over and over making Loki chuckle. “You seem to like that my stomach is soft,” he commented as he rocked on Thor’s cock. 

“I do,” Thor admitted, “this stomach held my children.” His cock twitched inside Loki’s body causing them both to moan and Loki to rock down even harder. “This stomach held my children, Loki, and I love it. I love that it’s soft and has stretch marks to remind me every time I see you. And maybe someday it will hold more children of ours.” 

The joy that rolled through Loki’s chest was so unexpected he stopped moving altogether, eyes wide as he felt a wetness on his face and realised it was tears. “Brother?” Thor asked reaching up to wipe them away, and all Loki could do was shake his head and start moving again. He wanted to hold the moment to him for as long as he could before the darkness crept in to take over his thoughts once again. But now he had this, and he could bring them both pleasure before it all spiralled away again.

With a roll of his hips, Loki started to move again, smiling at the groan it pulled from Thor’s chest. He bent, lapping at his brother’s chin and jaw before flicking his tongue inside Thor's mouth for a taste. They moved together slowly while kissing, their hips in perfect rhythm together. Thor’s hands were moving continuously, sliding against all the places on Loki’s body that made him moan and twitch. His body tightened around Thor’s cock with each stroke of those talented fingers until one large hand slid between them to take hold of Loki’s cock and stroke in time. 

Rolling over didn’t stop their pace, Thor settled between his brother’s spread legs while his hips moved slowly; his hand continue to stroke Loki’s cock. The pleasure was building, a slow, gentle pace like the cresting of a wave instead of the violent tide of a tsunami that had Loki crying out his release, back arching from the pleasure. His cock painted white stripes along his stomach while his core clenched around Thor’s thick cock and a handful of thrusts later had his brother spilling inside.

They panted together; bodies pressed as tightly together as they could get while coming down from their high. Eventually, Thor rolled off and gathered Loki against him, smiling in a “cat who got the cream” kind of way. It made Loki want to stab him, but instead, the younger prince snuggled in, head on his brother’s shoulder figuring Thor had earned his smug expression.

“How do you feel?” Thor asked, sliding his hands once again to Loki’s stomach.

Loki glanced at him then at the hand rubbing his stomach and smiled. “Better than I have in a long time. I’m looking forward to being a father.” His smile was soft but happy in a way it hadn’t been in a very long time. He pressed a kiss to Thor’s chest and resettled, allowing his brother’s hand to continue to soothe him. 

“Good,” Thor whispered as they fell asleep, “you’re going to be a great father.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor learns more about what Loki's mental state had been over the last two years after finding Loki trapped in one of his illusions. 
> 
> THIS CHAPTER TALKS ABOUT SUICIDE AND ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. Please be careful.

Living at Avenger’s Tower was surprisingly enjoyable. While Thor and Loki didn’t have servants to wait on them, something both were having a hard time adjusting too, they did have many friends who were willing to help. There were also weekly battles of evil foes that allowed Thor to take out his aggression, and in between fights, Thor got to play with his children who were the light of his life. Loki had also taken to the Tower better than expected and he and Widow were becoming close friends. 

Returning to the tower late one night after a fight, Thor was met with the sounds of his children’s laughter and couldn’t help smiling. Loki was sitting in front of the large screen TVs with the news on in the background recounting the fight while his children wiggled on the floor. Freyr was on his stomach, kicking his little feet and inching his way across the room before Loki’s magic floated him back to settle beside his sister. Every time he was floated, both babies squealed and laughed in utter delight. There was nothing in the universe more beautiful than the scene before him. 

“Well that’s adorable,” Stark commented coming inside after removing his armour. “So his magic’s pretty impressive then.”

Thor looked over at his friend before returning his gaze to his family and smiling. “Yes. There isn’t much in the universe Loki cannot do with his magic. I wonder if our children will inherit any of his abilities, or have abilities of their own. They’re gods and someday will rule Asgard and the nine realms, but looking at them here like this, they’re just happy children.”

“That’s what’s important,” Rogers told him putting a hand on Thor’s shoulder. “You two will raise them, not have... Whatever it is that royals have.”

Widow, not caring about the conversation in the doorway went immediately to the floor and picked Freyr out of the air, grinning as he laughed at her. “Hey Little Man, are you trying to get away? It’s amazing they’re crawling and only three months old,” she commented to Loki who only shrugged.

“They’re half Æsir,” Loki answered, “and half Jötunn which means their motor skills are going to develop much faster than those of humans, though they will age at the same rate as humanity until they’re around 25 and then the ageing process will slow.” Freya wiggled her way over to Widow’s knees and patted at her, looking up to where Freyr was being held in the air and played with. Loki picked her up and moved closer so she could reach her brother. Together, both Loki and Natasha held the babies up, so they were ‘flying’ something the two wanted to do all the time. “They’ll slowly grow their powers too. I’m curious about what they’ll be. They’ll have magic, of course, I’ll see to that, and already their seiðr is strong.”

“Seiðr is your magic right?” Natasha asked. “Like all those illusions you made? But what happened with Clint, that was the stone? Sorry, if you don't want to say I shouldn’t ask. I’m just curious. I know New York wasn’t all you, you’d been mind whammied like Clint had. How come Thor knocking you on your head didn’t work for you like it did him?”

Taking in a slow breath through his nose, Loki let it out just as slowly as he thought about his reply. There were a lot of factors that even Thor didn’t know about and while he and Natasha had formed a strange, but surprisingly pleasant friendship, he wasn’t sure how much he wanted to divulge to the woman. In the end, he decided maybe the truth was a better option for once, and after placing his daughter down on the floor to inchworm her way around, he started to explain. “Growing up Thor and I were always told we were the same, but were treated completely differently. After a… failed attempt at going to war with Jötunheim from both of us, a fight between us lead to me falling off Asgard. I thought I was going to die.” 

He looked down, watching his daughter reach up for Frery then babble angrily in her baby talk when she couldn’t reach him. Instead of Natasha picking her up, Freyr was put next to her, and the two immediately rolled toward one another, patting at each other and babbling in their way. It made Loki smile.

“I wanted to die,” he whispered. “There was just nothing. I was lied to, my family would never see me as anything more than a screw-up and no matter what, Thor was always forgiven. I didn’t want to be another one of my father’s relics, hidden away to keep Jötunheim in line. I wanted to make the pain stop, so I let go.” The twins rolled over onto their backs, looking up at the ceiling then over at Thor where he was sitting on the couch before laughing happily and turning back over so they could make their way to their father. Slowly, Loki watched them wiggle their way over to Thor’s feet. 

The babies made everything better. The joy he felt looking at them and listening to their laughter, even their cries brought a warmth to his body hadn’t felt in a very long time. “Obviously, I didn’t die,” he said after a moment, and Natasha reached out an unusual gesture of support.

“You didn’t, and you recovered. We all have a past,” she told him. He already knew of hers, even if it was to get him to reveal why he was in captivity, her speech was honest. “You know of mine. Clint’s is much the same, and even Stark created weapons before realising that wasn’t how he wanted to be. Out of all of us, I think only Rogers can claim to have an innocent past.”

It was true; all of the Avengers had something in their past that they weren’t proud of and being an Avengers allowed them to make amends. Loki was realising that he could have his questionable history but still be considered a good person, though he wasn’t entirely sure he wouldn’t always look out for his own interests first, or the interests of his children, regardless of who got hurt because of it. Shrugging, Loki watched Thor pick the twins up and settle them on his lap to play. Laughter filled the living space. 

“When Thanos found me,” Loki spoke again, “and… did what he did, his control went a lot deeper than just the mind stone I’d used on Barton. He had a leash on me, someone whose telepathic connection was so great he could watch my every move even an entire universe way. I wanted to take Thor up on his offer, to leave Earth behind and go home, but it was too late. There were only two possible outcomes that were going to happen: I succeeded, and Thanos took the stones giving me Earth to rule, or I was defeated and ultimately killed. The latter is what I was counting on, honestly. It’s why I let Selvig build in an override and didn’t teleport myself away from here once I was caught.” He shrugged and leaned back watching Thor toss first one twin, then the other catching them easily though Loki could tell he was listening to the conversation, a little frown at the corner of his mouth gave him away. 

“Excuse me,” Loki apologised getting off the floor, “I find myself growing tired and am in need of a nap. Thor, I trust you can put the babies to bed?” He walked over, bending to kiss each of their little heads and nuzzle in a moment, breathing in their fresh baby scent that always clung. He then kissed Thor’s mouth before straightening and heading to bed. 

The crib on the opposite side of the room from his and Thor’s bed made him smile. It was unheard of for an Asgardian royal to live in the same place as their parents, and while Stark had plenty of rooms for the twins, Loki was unwilling to let them out of his sight. He was determined to raise his kids himself, with Thor, obviously. No nannies, no attendants, and no separation as he and Thor had been when they were still quite young. He could still vividly remember how much he’d hated not being able to sleep in the same bed as his big brother and vowed he would never do that to his children. Whatever else might happen, Freya and Freyr would grow up knowing they were loved unconditionally. 

His thoughts turned inward, thinking about what it would have been like had they still been on Asgard and their children not forbidden. He could picture Frigga doting on him, helping him through the pregnancy and making sure he was healthy for the birthing. She would have been with him, holding his hand while Thor fretted in the background, pacing and scaring the midwives. He still chuckled when he thought about Hogun in that small cabin with them while Loki was giving birth and how much Thor had growled at the man. Giving props where do, the warrior held it together even when lightning started to dance over Thor’s body.

But Frigga would have scolded her son, telling him to get out or to calm down while Loki screamed through another contraction and fell back to the bed panting. Around him, the scene unfolded, taking shape as Loki was thinking about it. The city skyline outside the windows melted away, morphing into Asgard sprawled out before him as Loki lay on a birthing bed with Frigga beside him. Thor frantically paced, his eyes burning white with lightning in the face of his worry while the midwives scurried around him, wary of Thor, but too professional not to do their jobs properly. 

Loki cried out as another contraction seized his body, the cramps worse than anything he’d ever felt, even being stabbed, even being in Thanos’ clutches, even being smashed by the green rage beast. “I can’t,” he cried holding Frigga’s hand tightly, “Mother please, please I can’t! I’m sorry I can’t!” 

Gently the All-Mother wiped his brow and neck with cold water, knowing as Jötunn he would want the coolness of it against his heated skin. “You can, Loki,” she whispered kindly, “you can do this. You’re so very strong.” He sobbed again, wanting to curl against her as he had when he and Thor were children. He wanted to be held and somehow sensing it, Frigga moved closer, wrapping an arm around her son’s shoulders and held him close. “Thor,” she called, waiting for her elder son to stop growling at one of the nurses and look at her, “stop being a menace and come help your beloved.” 

Obediently, Thor did as asked, coming around the other side to slide into the bed with Loki and hold him. “Mother’s right, Loki, you can do this,” he whispered pressing a kiss to his little brother’s shoulder. “You’re strong and beautiful, and you’re giving birth to our children. You’re giving birth to the future of Asgard.” When Loki sobbed out a denial as another contraction hit, Thor pressed his hands to Loki’s face, making sure to have his brother’s attention, “Loki, you can do this.”

“Yes,” the young prince gasped as the pain receded for the moment. “Yes, I can do this.” A midwife moved between Loki’s legs checking on his progress before announcing he was nearly there, a few more contractions and he would be ready to push. “A few more?!” Loki asked voice horrified. “What does that mean? How much is ‘a few’?! I swear, Thor, you are never touching me again, I don’t care how adorable you try to look.” He glared over his shoulder at his brother who still had an arm around him. 

Thor for his part didn’t look put out at all. He rubbed Loki’s stomach, trying to soothe the pain. “Once the babies are born all this will have been worth it. I promise.”

Instead of answering verbally, Loki made a harrumph sound in his chest, but before he could reply, another contraction hit. “FUCK!” He cried out, his magic going wild and causing anything not bolted down to fly across the room. Glass shattered everywhere, and both Frigga and Thor dove to cover Loki as best they could. “So-Sorry,” he panted. 

“It happens,” Frigga promised rubbing Loki's arm. “Your magic has always been powerful, it makes sense that you would lose control of it now. Don’t worry about any of that though.” Around the room, maids scrambled to clean up while the midwives went about their business to make sure everything was set up for the babies.

The primary midwife, Astrid, bent again then smiled. “You’re ready, Highness. On the next contraction, I want you to bear down, push as hard as you can.” 

“O-ka-AH!” The contraction hit mid-agreement, and Loki screamed, holding onto both Thor and his mother as he pushed as hard as he could to get the babies out. His body stretched around them, making room in the birthing canal as they started to slide down. At the end of the contraction, he sat back against Thor’s chest, panting hard. “Okay… okay, I can do this,” he breathed. “I can do this.”

“You’re doing great, Loki,” Frigga praised. She pressed a kiss to his sweaty temple and held onto his hand even though he was sure he was gripping her hard enough to break bones. He was so grateful she was there for this; as much as he claimed she was not his mother and that he didn’t need her anymore, it was all a lie. He needed Frigga to be there for him; he needed her to be a grandmother and to help him be a good father. He wanted Frigga to be proud of him.

The next contraction hit hard, and again Loki pushed with everything he had. There was some pressure, and another burst of pain that had Loki crying out and gripping Thor’s forearm with a strength that could have ripped it from his body before the midwife was pulling the first baby from Loki’s body and the prince sagged panting and sweaty. “Is-”

“She’s beautiful, Highness,” Astrid assured him. She gently wrapped the child in a blanket and handed her to Thor causing Loki’s expression to darken. “Don’t look at me like that, young prince, you have one more to deliver and cannot hold a child and deliver one at the same time. Best to give the babe to her father.” 

The scowl didn’t lessen, but soon Loki was too concerned with the birth of their second child, their son, to worry about the fact Thor got to hold their daughter first yet he was doing all the work. The bastard, Loki would undoubtedly be stabbing him later. With the next contraction, Loki pushed hard and again, with some pressure and a bit of lingering pain, his son was pulled free and started to wail immediately. Loki didn’t blame him one bit. “Cry on, my son, let the world know you’re unhappy. May I see him, please?”

“Ah… Highness,” another midwife stuttered, her back towards the royal family.

“Ingrid,” Frigga called out, voice hard, leaving no room to be disobeyed. She was no longer a grandmother, she was a queen and would demand all listen to her. “Bring us the child.”

Loki looked close to panic; if something was wrong with his child, he knew he would not be able to handle it. Every day was a battle to stay sane, not to spiral into his own mind and remain there until his body had no choice but to give out, and finally, he slumped into darkness for eternity. If his son did not make it, he knew he would not survive. “Please,” he called out, “please I need to see him. If something is wrong, between Mother and me, surely we can save him. Please.” He leaned forward, holding out his arms for the baby he had yet to see. Behind him, Thor stood tall, face a thundercloud that mirrored the storm suddenly raging outside the window. 

Hesitantly, the midwife placed the calm baby in Loki’s arms and took a step back, face showing nothing but worry and fear. Loki looked down then blinked. His son was sleeping peacefully, perfectly formed and looking entirely at ease. He was beautiful in every way. 

He was also blue. 

Releasing a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding, Loki laughed. “I thought… oh, I thought such dark things, but our son, Thor, look at our son.” He beamed with pride, looking up at his brother who was gazing at his family with nothing but love. 

“He’s Jötunn,” Thor commented, finally sitting on the bed, still holding their daughter closely. “He’s beautiful, Loki. His lines.” The babies were so tiny compared to Thor’s massiveness that it looked funny when his brother rubbed the little boy’s head tracing the Jötunn markings as gently as he could. The little boy turned into the touch, almost snuggling into his father. Thor and Loki shared a look between them, happy.

In the background Loki could hear Frigga ordering everyone about, making sure the room was clean, and the crib was perfect for when Thor and Loki put the babies to bed for the night, though Loki planned to keep them in the bed. Once everything was set to her specifications, she dismissed everyone in the room and closed the door behind them before returning to the bed to look at her grandchildren. “You two certainly don’t do things the normal way, but I cannot say I’m upset by the outcome. They’re beautiful, Loki. What are their names?”

“Freyja and Freyr,” Thor and Loki answered together then chuckled. They traded babies, Loki taking Freyja while Thor pulled Freyr against his massive chest. The two cuddled their babies a moment longer before handing them to Frigga so she could hold her grandchildren. The love in her eyes was like nothing Loki had ever seen before, and it amazed him that after all he said to her about her not being his mother, that she never turned from him. No matter what, Frigga was his mother and would always love him. 

In the corner of the room, something caught Loki’s eye, and he glanced up, frowning as he saw his brother, but his brother was behind him, and he turned to confirm it. When he turned to look back at the corner, the image of his brother was gone. Not wanting anything to ruin his moment with his children, Loki pushed it out of his mind to watch Frigga with the twins. She had them on the bed and was tickling their little bellies. Even at only a few minutes old, the babies wiggled and made happy sounds as she played with them. “They’re perfect,” she whispered, “thank you for allowing me to be part of this.” 

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, Mother,” Loki said honestly, “I wouldn’t want them to grow up not knowing you, not having you there. They nee-”

“LOKI!”

The voice so close to his ear but not coming from Thor or Frigga had Loki jumping and giving out a startled yelp. He looked around and again, he could see his brother, but not the brother behind him and he blinked a few times, shaking his head before he heard his name again, “Loki! Please, brother!”

“Thor?” Loki asked, looking around as the room dissolved and was replaced with their rooms in New York. Outside the windows, Asgard slowly melted back into the city skyline showing the Empire State Building and in the distance the Trade Tower. Freyja and Freyr were in their cribs crying while Thor stood over Loki. Taking just a second to get his bearings, Loki pushed his brother aside and lept off the bed, going to his children and lifting them both out of the crib to cuddle against his chest. “Shhh, it’s okay my darlings,” he whispered kissing their heads as he carried them back to the bed and gently placed them down. “See? Everything’s okay. No need to cry.” 

Outside the windows, a storm was blowing in, lightning dancing from cloud to cloud and occasionally hitting a building, but Loki didn’t look at the storm or his brother who was causing it. He could feel the energy radiating around his brother and didn’t want to deal with any of it, instead, he concentrated on his children, but Thor was determined to get answered it seemed. “Everything is not okay, Loki!” His voice was harsh, but not loud. “I have been calling your name for 15 minutes. What was all that?!”

“An illusion.” 

“An-” Thor stepped back and took a few breaths, eyes closing while he tried to get his temper under control. “An illusion? Why couldn’t I bring you out of it?”

Loki shrugged. He didn’t want to talk to Thor; he didn’t want to do anything but play with his two perfect children and laid down back to his brother and an arm around the two babies who wiggled around the large bed. He smiled as they babbled to one another and him. He rubbed their little cheeks, feeling their smooth skin with the slight raise of the Jötunn markings that they both had, though only Freyr’s could be seen, and let them curl their hands around his fingers and pull. “You’re so strong already, going to be mighty warriors some day, equally knowledgeable in magic and combat. I will see to it.”

“I’m not going away Loki.” The bed dipped. “Please, brother. What was that?”

Sighing, Loki glanced at him, then wished he hadn’t. Thor’s face was no longer angry but looked on the verge of tears, and it was that that had Loki talking. “I told you, Thor, it was an illusion. It was a very good illusion that I got lost in. There were many I’d had while in the cell under Asgard, and I had hoped one would keep me there, but Mother always pulled me out.” 

Frowning, Thor laid opposite Loki with the babies between them. “Why would you want to do that? What would happen if you didn’t come out of it?”

The truth wasn’t anything Thor would like, so Loki refused to look at him. “Eventually my body would have given out, and I’d have died.” He leaned forward to press a kiss to Freyja’s hand, smiling when she gripped his jaw then laughed with her. Freyr joined in with the laughter, but Thor was still staring, slightly horrified at his brother. 

“Brother,” he whispered. He reached over the children and caught Loki’s chin with his hand, tiling his brother’s head up. “You would have died. Were you trying to die? Right now? Why?”

The conversation was getting annoying, and Loki pulled his face from Thor’s grip. He would have taken the children somewhere had he any idea where to go, but instead, rolled onto his back and let the babies crawl on him. “Right then, no I was not trying to die. I can’t say I would have minded much, but I wasn’t actively seeking death. Back in the prison cell, I sought death many times, hoping that each illusion I cast would allow me to immerse myself fully to the point where I did not know what was and was not real. Once in such an illusion it would have been near impossible to pull me out, and after some months, my body would have given out, and I would have died.” He glanced at Thor and scowled. “It isn’t as if anyone would have missed me. Including you, and do not deny it. Until Sif, Sif of all people, talked to you and Mother convinced you to see me, you’d have happily let me rot in there. Death was highly preferable, and I’d almost done it once. There was one illusion that I was very close to losing myself in, but as always, Mother managed to pull me out of it.” He sighed and turned away from Thor not wanting to see his stupid face anymore. “Get out.”

“Loki-”

“GET OUT!” He yelled startling his children who started crying. Immediately Loki curled around them, protecting them from even himself as he held them close and rubbed their backs and head, giving sweet kisses to calm them down. “I’m so sorry, my loves, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me for frightening you.” It was nearly five minutes of Loki’s hushed tones and reassuring touches before the babies settled. Thor hadn’t moved from his spot on his bed, but once the babies had fallen asleep against Loki’s chest, Loki looked up. “I told you to leave. If you don’t, I will take these children and leave. I’m well enough to teleport, Thor. Don’t think I won’t. 

Without speaking, but looking utterly pained, Thor rose from the bed and quietly walked out of the room, the sound of the door closing behind signalling his departure. Loki closed his eyes, curling around his two sleeping children and cried. He’d almost lost himself in an illusion, leaving his two children behind and that scared him. He’d wanted to die, once, back on the Bifrost, then again in New York and then several times in the prison cell, but with his children alive and healthy, there was nothing farther from what he wanted, and yet, when he realised what had happened he couldn’t bring himself to care.

That thought alone scared him more than anything else.


End file.
